The Parent-heart

Through the mist of the now repetitive struggles of fatherhood, I often wonder if I made my parents feel the way I feel; that every day, every breath you draw is capable of inflicting great pain. How every response to every move, and each countermeasure to each measure, whether evoking anger, joy, pride, sorrow, love, whatever, is so deeply ingrained in the very heart and nervous system of the body-parent that the outcome of every act — so visceral, raw and open — can inflict great pain. It is as if the very parent-heart itself, so fully exposed and wholly engaged, regardless of circumstance or condition, is simply not meant to beat in such a bare and vulnerable state as this.