“Last Car”

So, Susan and I were talking about buying cars, and it occurred to me that our next one might be our last… No, don’t go there. Nothing sad here… It of course made me laugh…and that led to this:

“We Bought Our Very Last Car” by Brian Griffin
(to the tune of “Fast Car”)

Verse 1
We bought our very last car
I got a hip that clicks really hard
Every step’s a little soundtrack now
Like I’m fallin’ slowly apart
Used to drive just anywhere
Didn’t think, didn’t prepare
Now I stretch before I stand
And I make a noise gettin’ out of chairs
You said, “Let’s take a ride like we used to do.”
I said, “Give me a minute… my foot fell asleep again, too.”

Chorus
So we bought our very last car
Easy in and easy out
Got a cushion just to sit up straight
And a handlebar to help us out
I, I, had a feeling we’d go far
Now we just go carefully
We bought our very last car
At a safe and steady speed

Verse 2
We bought our very last car
I got a list of what I can’t eat
Everything I used to love
Now it fights me in the streets
Coffee hits me after noon
I’m up till two, just wide awake
So I drink it like it’s contraband
And accept whatever comes with the shakes
Pre-Chorus
You say, “Let’s go out, maybe grab a bite.”
I say, “Not too late… and not too spicy… and not tonight.”

Chorus
So we bought our very last car
Cupholders full of things for pain
Got a pharmacy in the glove box now
And none of it works the same
I, I, had a feeling we’d go far
Now we plan around the weather report
We bought our very last car
And we park really close to the door

Bridge
We bought our very last car
But I don’t drive at night anymore
Every light’s a blinding interrogation
Didn’t have that problem before
And what’s this thing on my arm right here?
Was that there last week or not?
I don’t panic, I just Google it
Then immediately regret that thought

Verse 3
We bought our very last car
I got readers in every room
Still can’t find ’em when I need ’em
So I just squint and assume
Walk into a room for something
Stand there like I’ve lost the plot
Turn around and go back out
Hope it comes to me… it does not
You say, “We’re fine.” I say, “Yeah, mostly true.”
Long as we laugh… and write things down… and double-check ’em too
Remember when we’d just take off?
No plan, no list, no second thought?
Now it’s:
“Did you take your pills?”
“Did you stretch your back?”
“Did you bring a jacket?”
“Where’s the snacks?”
“Turn the car around…”

Final Chorus
So we bought our very last car
Doesn’t matter if it’s fast at all
Just need somethin’ that won’t hurt to drive
And won’t hurt when we stand up tall
I, I, had a feeling we’d go far
Turns out this is just fine by me
We bought our very last car
And we’re home by 8:30

…unless we forget where we parked.